Make a new beginning

A flying feather coming down in the monsoon rain,
its flight of uncertainity telling a story.
The water flows down the empty streets as
the dusty winds beat the window pane saying...
"Make a new beginning"

With the touch of the last rain drop falling
Open your eyes to the smiling sun.
Hear the silent cry of the calming skies,
Hear the story of the wind in the trees untold...
"make a new beginning"

The warmth of the lapping waves in the evening
calming the heat of the scorched sand.
Look at the horizon painted with dusk
as the sun goes down in a solemn goodbye....
make a new beginning

Feel the slow ballet of the trees and the wind.
Hear the birds singing the morning raphsody.
Watch the careless clouds at the background.
When the sound of the far off church bells ring
make a new beginning

- Shishir
3:49 PM 8/13/2008

Aeroplane

Fly fly
fly in the air
jumbo jet
blue sky's pet

lift lift
get off the ground
experience levity
defy gravity

tumble tumble
in cotton clouds
Pilot's warning
belt lights blinking

sweet sweet
The hostess' greet
time for snacks
then relax

fall fall
glide to the ground
bumpy touchdown
time to get down

- Shishir
(In Detroit airport)
7:29 PM 7/31/2008

Snow

Good things come to pass.
From high and low
the stars will glow
For those who know

Come rain some snow
from the skies above
drench my soul
and chill my nerves

Come sweet december
when the night will wake
for those who take
the pains they've known

Cold take me down
to the place i'll hide
from everyone I know
in solemn forgiveness

For i am the one
who's known it all -
The pain that comes
in the next testing snow

The snow will come
only to melt
but none shall be spared
from the spirit untamed

Long live the souls
who've shown me the way
in fiction and life
"everything is to give away"

- Shishir
3:00 AM 11/17/2007

Confusing world

So many people walking down the road.
So many people walking down the road.
buzzing all those noises
they're walking zigzag motions
they confuse me.
Unheeded voices come wailing from corners.
A loud cry gets muted with ambulance sirens.
buzzing all those noises
they walk in zig zag motions
they confuse me.

So many people lying on the ground.
so many people lying on the ground.
Seemingly motionless
homeless and helpless
they confuse me.
where do they come from and where do they go to.
nobody's burden they're nobody's concern.
Seemingly motionless
homeless and helpless
they confuse me.

So many people running all around.
So many people running all around.
They're coming, they're going
they're not even stopping
they amuse me.
bubbles of lives more come more they burst.
taking all the good things makes place for the worst.
They're coming, they're going
they're not even stopping
they confuse me.

- Shishir
(Dedicated to Majestic, Bangalore)
2:56 AM 2/16/2007

Departion

Lost in this world
Already seeming to part
The time may be small
But too long for my heart.

Looking at the moments
of then and of now
Looking throug the time glass
hoping the grains fall slow.

Departion seems inevitable
but together we seem
Waiting for the world to turn
and the time to freeze.

Growing older by the second.
Getting wiser by the minute.

Maybe it is life
That causing the complication
maybe we'll get wise
to understand the implication.

- Shishir
Feb 2007

Lake song

Serene waters
zephyr on the face
cloudy wisps
Lush green everywhere

Tangible
the unmoving waters
Overwhelming
the everchanging waves

Avean majesty
ruling the blue,
with a sudden fall
evades the morning gloom

Unrestrained
with a watchful sight
clawing water -
Master of flight

Flying dragons
in blades of green
Rising beaks
in the waters serene

Natural beauty
out of exile
Splendor
Lost in grey

- Shishir
(Sitting on the benches in Kukkarahalli lake, Mysore)
7th oct 2006

The little boy

There was a time
when i saw a boy
the world was a stranger to him.
As time went by
he walked towards me
watching all the lights grow dim.
All through his life
he fought every fight
to come closer and closer to me.
I tried to tell him
he was headed towards me
my reflection he turned out to be.

The old man beyond
I saw in his eyes
the boy that i once used to see.
His eyes of wisdom
glittering deep black
said something of the very unknown.
I looked for an answer
from the wise old man
for the question i didn't even know.
With a hysterical smile
he turned away from me
and walked towards the unknown sea.

The boy walked on
innocent and careless
his arms outstreached to reach me.
I ran to the old man
with haste and greed
to know whats beyond the sea.
My heart beating with hope
i reached the shore
But he was nowhere i could see.
Hurt and helpless
i fell on my knees
the boy came and embraced me.

We saw a new horizon
beyond the sea
that was where we had to be.
hand in hand
with nothing but hope
we sailed through the endless sea.

- Shishir
(2004 September)

Finding oneself

I've heard of all the talk about finding oneself. Some time back I used to think that's all a big bag of bull shit as we all know what we are. I mean, who other than you will know who you are? But now, I've begun to realize that there actually is some sense to that statement... "Finding oneself".

My life has been a very dynamic one. Its changed quite a lot over the years. Whatever I was was determined by what I used to do. I used to act like the way my friends were. My opnions changed with new friends. I started listening to new kinds of music. I never imagined i'd actually like heavy metal. But I started doing somethings that I never throught I might do. I've been through phases of silent child, normal school boy, crazy adolescent, a junkie, a dude, a creative guy, a smart kid, a good lover, a bastard boyfriend, an ass, a fighter, a loser... Man, Im so quite happy with the life I've had.

But through the times I've done things that were so beyond my normal perception of myself. All through those times I thought I knew what I was doing. But now I feel I kind of lack a constant I can compare myself with. Nothing in my life has been the same it used to be. Everything changes. "Everything is so (fuckin) temporary" as my friend says. I want to find something in my life that's permanent. Something that will remain the same forever. By the way I've been I can never know what's gona happen to me a ew years from now. I might find someone I might move to a different places and hang around with completely strange alien beings... who knows? There can be no particular thing or a person that can shake me back to what I really am. No one knows me as well as I know myself. But I don't know myself as well as I thought I did.

When I think on the lines of "I need to find something that's permanent throughout my life. I need to find a constant", I realize... I need to find myself!

My own holiday

Imagine waking up in the morning
to the sound of the rain fall
Bright sunlight dimmed by dark clouds
On a wednesday with a day off.

Imagine covering up again
in the warmth of the cozy blanket
pick up ue cell and call ur love
talk with no hurry to cut

Walk up to the sound of the rain
in the background with four walls
Noticing the rare lovely feeling
of waking up to the morning call

Spend a day with no plans
relax to the sound of your favourite song
walk around the house
with a fresh cup of cold milo

Think about the evening date
relax on the sofa and let your mind waner
smile at the walls and sing aloud with the sound of music
its a rare day... A holiday in my past!

Puppets

Sometimes in life we want things the way we wish to see it. We often forget life is something wherein we need to recieve what we get and build ourselves such that we're happy with what we have. W should grow up to be prod of te people we've become...

Sometimes we try to attach too many strings to the things around us. Now that something happened, we want something else to hapen. We attach a stringto everything that goes on in our lives to something that may very well not happen. "Expectations" some people call it. We do it so natrally and so sub-consiously that we don't realize how many loose ends we have hanging. Every lose end becomes an empty space. A space unfilled becomes desperation. And we'll end up craving for something that we were never supposed to have.

Something happens in our lives, we should try to just let it be. Wai for the things to follow. Learn from things that happen. When we learn we start seeing an overview of things. We start seing more than what we thought it was. But when we start losing control of stuff, we stoop lower. We miss out on things that are hppening above. We'll end up looking at the lose strings. Staring at empty spaces.

Life has a lot to give. We should be brave enough to accept what come. Smart enough to make the right choices. Have a broad mind to see what you're missing. Be proud to be who you are.

The only solace we can get is that no one is perfect in this. Mistakes are the path towards a genius. Scarifices are the path to greatness. Love is the path to happiness. To life... cheers!!!

Dont want snickers

Get special. Do something amazing.
Touch the clouds. Fly.
Kiss the lips of the girl you love.
Continue dreaming...

All that matters at the end is not what others did to you, but what you did to them. As my very good friend once said - "You're here for others". Keep goin through life being just what you are. Go through the same routine everyday. Do the same crap as always. Expect nothing. Things will come to you by themselves.

Ideally it seems totally right when someone says "if you don't want anything you'll get everything". Its kind of illogical because when you want nothing anything you get seems to be something. You say you'll sacrifice chocolates and someone gives you a Ravalgon and you'll be like thinking... "nice". But you keep thinking you want a diary milk bar and someone gives you a munch bar, you'll be thinkin "I never get things I desire". That's why people who desire stuff like Snickers and Hershey's get jacked right up their rectums.

Cedar point - \m/

Crazy rides, hot chicks, dizzy heights... Cedar point just rocks!

The coasters at this place was almost as thrilling as the ones I can imagine. ie., they are goood... The speed of the coasters, the twists and turns and shootups and fall-downs gives you the satisfaction of spending $40.

A mistake I did was to sit in the bigger (so called scary) rides at the beginning. After that riding some of the smaller coasters feels like sitting on a merry-go-round. If I had seen one of those coasters at Dasara exhibition, I would have gone "Woooow man!".

Few of the rides last like nearly 5 mins. I remember this one called 'Maverick'. There was such a huge queue to that. But I even enjoyed the queue. Looking at all the girls around me in those skimpy clothes was just more than what i'd asked for. That queue was almost as long as the Tirupati queue... full of hot chicks - just awesome!

Im definitely goin there again. And im goin to ride each coaster twice...

Cedar point (link)

The story so far

Second semester was like a lightning in slow motion. I kept feeling that I didn't study much during this sem. That was mainly because I didn't enjoy much. First sem was filled with tips to Millcreek mall and shopping and stuff. Second semester was filled with college and GE.

I always wanted to top the class once. The last time I remember doing that was in the first test in 5th standard. I had got 55/60. I saw my report card and got completely depessed at the 5 marks I lost. I later came to know that everyone else lost lot more than me. It felt good bing a winner.

Now I didn't feel anything about my 'so called' good results. No one really cares about it actually. There was a time when people used to show some interest in my life. Now everything seems as intersting as watching some Shahrukh movie on Zee cinema for the 27th time.

I also happened to spend the most boring birthday ever. I didn't even realize I turned 23. I've probably spent the most boring 3 months ever. The only consolation I get is that I brought this over myself. I am not a good guy. I always give others what I want from them, whether they like it or not. I ignore people who adore me and I run behind people who ignore me.

Everything changes in life in its own way. Things will change in my life too. I spend a big chunk of my time wallowing in the past. I sometimes jus hate everything. But something I noticed is that I don't do anything about it. Before I used to try changing things which I thought needed to be changed. Now Im doing things the other way round.

This blog is probrbly the most depressing blog ever. I'll probably write somthing interesting sometime.

random thoughts

I feel im in a very relationshippy place now and I like it. I adore my girl and it just feels good being committed. That is like the best thing that ever happened to me. Not only for all the koochie koo stuff but also on the broader sense. I've learnt so much about life...

We all spend our lives chasing a dream till we one day we realize that we were neck deep in it, but we just waded past it hoping to reach a bigger sea. I wanted so much out of life that I never realized it when I had it. When things turn completely ugly I realize that it used to be pretty before.

Its like the axiom of life... I remember the lyrics of 'affirmation' by savage garden which actually got me thinking about all these...

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I used to listen to this band a lot once upon a time. When I got my computer and had around 50 songs...

In one of the many mails I used to recieve, I had once read...
(apparently the words of Swamy Vivekananda)
Love is like holding water in your palm. You try to hold it tight, it'll slip through your fingers

So savage garden + swamy vivekananda =
"Love is like holding water in your palm. You'll try to hold it tight till you squeeze the last drop out and you'll realize you shouldn't have done it till your mouth goes dry and u feel thirsty"

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Sometimes we really start dwelling in cocoons of our own misery!

jackasses...

This world is full of sad people. At some level everybody is sad because nobody gets what they want.

I spent a big chunk of my life thinking that I did not want anything in life. Its just very recently that I realized that I ended up really wanting something. I always wanted to be happy by just relishing what I had. Its just recently I realized what it feels like to not get what you want.

Now its a lil tough to get back to the mainstage and laugh because the side curtains of the stage seem very comforting. This day surpasses everyone's life.

Let everone who's caused pain among others suffer what they've caused. Including me.

Life of a screw-up

DILBERT: "Of all the projects, I like the doomed ones best"

I posess an immense capacity to screw things up better than anyone else can. I also posess good ctreative talent to do new things.

Till now I think of all the things I've done in my life. The ones that I liked are all gone. Of course due to my mistake. All the things that I didn't like persist like roaches after a nuclear holocaust.

I used to do so many things when I was a kid. With my wheels (lego as all the retard kids call it there days) I used to do things that used to amaze my parents. I did things that were so good that it surprised me. All those days, and all the things had to pass into some dark ally of my past.

I had made painting that were good enough to be sold. I used to be an artist. But time ahd to wash it all away. I don't even know where those damn painting went either. I used to love them so much. I used to spend hours gazing at them. It used to give me such pleasure. Not the pleasure of appreciating myself. But the pleasure of all the things I could do. Much better than what i was seeing.

I used to do so many things with sticks and chalk and other things that are well known to be in the dust bin. Some how none of them exist now. All stay only in my memory. Bits and peices in other's big heads too.

My mind is an amazing place. If someone could actually peek into it, they'll be amazed at the things that exist there. I value the person I am. There were things I did that was good at times. But none of them exist. There was a person who they remember to be very good. But even he's gone to some alien land to write their software. I have always been my own hero. No one knows the things I've done. No one will either. Everyone knows bits and peices of me.

I known all the ingenious things i've done. I've known all the things i've seen wash by. I've known all the things i've screwed up.

The best parts of our lives are in our heads which unfortunately spends most of its time ignoring everything it has. Life is all about appreciating the things you've done and eventually screwed up. The value of an object is always better seen through its ashes.

Random writings part 1

Why do people blog?

Every one is a show off... that's why.

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I was just thinking, when we're in a relationship why do we get so pissed off at our partners? I mean, I spent the best time of my life with my girl, but I really get pissed off at her. In fact its not even getting pissed off, its lise some mad anger. Some feeling that shows that I don't like something but im really not sure why.

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Why does drinking beer feel like a good idea at times?

Its a good idea to waste time. When you have time to spend and no particular thing to do, drinking makes it very easy by fast forwarding the time. Doping on the other hand does not do this. Its some confusing shit. It goes in slow motion making you feel all funny things. But even that is a good pass time because when you dope you'll spend 5 minutes in 15 minutes and by te end of 20 minutes you see that the clock has run 30 minutes. If you don't understand me you need to get stoned.

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I copied this idea from Rana... I knew no other way of putting this...

I came yo US and I fell in love. It was the sweetest thing ever. I never knew such a feeling could exist. Whenever I feel lonely, or im feeling down or im happy like hell, anytime it could make me feel good. It would make me feel like myself. I fell in love with Krispy Kream donuts. What lovely donuts those are!

You go to Krispy Kream you can see them as a shapeless dough. Then they go up and down through an oven getting hot and ripe and bulgind into a torus. They come out looking all delicious and hot. Then they go through a pleasant rain of molten sugar. The sight of it just makes you want to grab a dozen. The best thing is...

The first time I went there I was just gapig at the sight. I was gaping at it like it was Angelina JOlie standing naked on state street sellig chocolates. But just better. Then the female who was behind the table asked "would you like a sample?". I was all "YESSSS!". Then she gave me a free donut. The first bit I took... oh man, the first bite... I couldn't feel the bite at all... it just melted in my mouth. I could feel the sweet taste of sugar. The donut was disappearing right in my mouth. I took another bit and it disappeared faster leaving the sweetest sweet taste behind. There were three of us. My firend said, "pack 3 please", then I jumped in and said... "noooo a DOZEN please.... nooo TWO dozzens please"... and thats all I remember. My friends had to pull me away from the delicious donuts and drag me back to the car. I sat there with two big boxes with a dozed donuts in each. One of the best days of my life.

Time lapse

I was just thinking about this during one of my projects on QNX which deals with measuring CPU utilization of some strange thing under some strange circumstances.

The situation was like this. A process comes to the CPU, hogs it and goes off. Now to say, the actual time when the process started hogging the CPU was when the process entered the CPU. (from its Ready state). I had to check if a process was hogging the CPU and trigger some weird thing when it happened. So the only time when I come to know the process is hogging is after it comes out of the CPU. Now when it comes out, Im triggering something that was supposed to happen when the hogging started. With my design, it was nearly impossible to do so. I thought of some strange forwarding technique and other things. But after a few days I realized, its impossible to do something like that. What i required was to predict the future in order to be at the right time.

So I thought of life in general. We do everything only after something has happened.

We realize things only after everything is over. We will never know that we're having a good time until its over and we think back. We will never know that we were so happy that we were on cloud 9 until we get back to earth and look at the skies.

It is like some strange time paradox and applies to all realms. - "You'll never know what's going on until its over"

When i was someone

People you love the most are the ones who hurt u the most. - Whoever said that is a fuck genious and a bastard. Why should it be that way?

I've heard people say life is short. If you look back it definitely is. But if you look further there is a long long way. There was a time when everything was simple. A time when you believed that there is something worth loving for. And that something comes near you and blasts you far off in an alien land. You will stay there thinking of that something that was once worth living for.

There was once I time when I meant something to someone. That was of course a long time ago. Now im just another face on the street while others walk away smiling. I was always another face on the street.

Fuck... Life is all about looking for something to smile when everyone tries to push you down a rotten path. Try to hold on to something whlie the ground shakes under you. Hold on till you die one day and fall peacefully.

Dead (?)

This blog can be considered dead for the time being. By the will of me, the supernatural forces, Aliens and of course Murphy...

So... TATA!!!