I've heard of all the talk about finding oneself. Some time back I used to think that's all a big bag of bull shit as we all know what we are. I mean, who other than you will know who you are? But now, I've begun to realize that there actually is some sense to that statement... "Finding oneself".
My life has been a very dynamic one. Its changed quite a lot over the years. Whatever I was was determined by what I used to do. I used to act like the way my friends were. My opnions changed with new friends. I started listening to new kinds of music. I never imagined i'd actually like heavy metal. But I started doing somethings that I never throught I might do. I've been through phases of silent child, normal school boy, crazy adolescent, a junkie, a dude, a creative guy, a smart kid, a good lover, a bastard boyfriend, an ass, a fighter, a loser... Man, Im so quite happy with the life I've had.
But through the times I've done things that were so beyond my normal perception of myself. All through those times I thought I knew what I was doing. But now I feel I kind of lack a constant I can compare myself with. Nothing in my life has been the same it used to be. Everything changes. "Everything is so (fuckin) temporary" as my friend says. I want to find something in my life that's permanent. Something that will remain the same forever. By the way I've been I can never know what's gona happen to me a ew years from now. I might find someone I might move to a different places and hang around with completely strange alien beings... who knows? There can be no particular thing or a person that can shake me back to what I really am. No one knows me as well as I know myself. But I don't know myself as well as I thought I did.
When I think on the lines of "I need to find something that's permanent throughout my life. I need to find a constant", I realize... I need to find myself!
Oct 6, 2008
Sep 5, 2008
My own holiday
Imagine waking up in the morning
to the sound of the rain fall
Bright sunlight dimmed by dark clouds
On a wednesday with a day off.
Imagine covering up again
in the warmth of the cozy blanket
pick up ue cell and call ur love
talk with no hurry to cut
Walk up to the sound of the rain
in the background with four walls
Noticing the rare lovely feeling
of waking up to the morning call
Spend a day with no plans
relax to the sound of your favourite song
walk around the house
with a fresh cup of cold milo
Think about the evening date
relax on the sofa and let your mind waner
smile at the walls and sing aloud with the sound of music
its a rare day... A holiday in my past!
to the sound of the rain fall
Bright sunlight dimmed by dark clouds
On a wednesday with a day off.
Imagine covering up again
in the warmth of the cozy blanket
pick up ue cell and call ur love
talk with no hurry to cut
Walk up to the sound of the rain
in the background with four walls
Noticing the rare lovely feeling
of waking up to the morning call
Spend a day with no plans
relax to the sound of your favourite song
walk around the house
with a fresh cup of cold milo
Think about the evening date
relax on the sofa and let your mind waner
smile at the walls and sing aloud with the sound of music
its a rare day... A holiday in my past!
Aug 9, 2008
Puppets
Sometimes in life we want things the way we wish to see it. We often forget life is something wherein we need to recieve what we get and build ourselves such that we're happy with what we have. W should grow up to be prod of te people we've become...
Sometimes we try to attach too many strings to the things around us. Now that something happened, we want something else to hapen. We attach a stringto everything that goes on in our lives to something that may very well not happen. "Expectations" some people call it. We do it so natrally and so sub-consiously that we don't realize how many loose ends we have hanging. Every lose end becomes an empty space. A space unfilled becomes desperation. And we'll end up craving for something that we were never supposed to have.
Something happens in our lives, we should try to just let it be. Wai for the things to follow. Learn from things that happen. When we learn we start seeing an overview of things. We start seing more than what we thought it was. But when we start losing control of stuff, we stoop lower. We miss out on things that are hppening above. We'll end up looking at the lose strings. Staring at empty spaces.
Life has a lot to give. We should be brave enough to accept what come. Smart enough to make the right choices. Have a broad mind to see what you're missing. Be proud to be who you are.
The only solace we can get is that no one is perfect in this. Mistakes are the path towards a genius. Scarifices are the path to greatness. Love is the path to happiness. To life... cheers!!!
Sometimes we try to attach too many strings to the things around us. Now that something happened, we want something else to hapen. We attach a stringto everything that goes on in our lives to something that may very well not happen. "Expectations" some people call it. We do it so natrally and so sub-consiously that we don't realize how many loose ends we have hanging. Every lose end becomes an empty space. A space unfilled becomes desperation. And we'll end up craving for something that we were never supposed to have.
Something happens in our lives, we should try to just let it be. Wai for the things to follow. Learn from things that happen. When we learn we start seeing an overview of things. We start seing more than what we thought it was. But when we start losing control of stuff, we stoop lower. We miss out on things that are hppening above. We'll end up looking at the lose strings. Staring at empty spaces.
Life has a lot to give. We should be brave enough to accept what come. Smart enough to make the right choices. Have a broad mind to see what you're missing. Be proud to be who you are.
The only solace we can get is that no one is perfect in this. Mistakes are the path towards a genius. Scarifices are the path to greatness. Love is the path to happiness. To life... cheers!!!
Aug 1, 2008
Dont want snickers
Get special. Do something amazing.
Touch the clouds. Fly.
Kiss the lips of the girl you love.
Continue dreaming...
All that matters at the end is not what others did to you, but what you did to them. As my very good friend once said - "You're here for others". Keep goin through life being just what you are. Go through the same routine everyday. Do the same crap as always. Expect nothing. Things will come to you by themselves.
Ideally it seems totally right when someone says "if you don't want anything you'll get everything". Its kind of illogical because when you want nothing anything you get seems to be something. You say you'll sacrifice chocolates and someone gives you a Ravalgon and you'll be like thinking... "nice". But you keep thinking you want a diary milk bar and someone gives you a munch bar, you'll be thinkin "I never get things I desire". That's why people who desire stuff like Snickers and Hershey's get jacked right up their rectums.
Touch the clouds. Fly.
Kiss the lips of the girl you love.
Continue dreaming...
All that matters at the end is not what others did to you, but what you did to them. As my very good friend once said - "You're here for others". Keep goin through life being just what you are. Go through the same routine everyday. Do the same crap as always. Expect nothing. Things will come to you by themselves.
Ideally it seems totally right when someone says "if you don't want anything you'll get everything". Its kind of illogical because when you want nothing anything you get seems to be something. You say you'll sacrifice chocolates and someone gives you a Ravalgon and you'll be like thinking... "nice". But you keep thinking you want a diary milk bar and someone gives you a munch bar, you'll be thinkin "I never get things I desire". That's why people who desire stuff like Snickers and Hershey's get jacked right up their rectums.
Jun 26, 2008
Cedar point - \m/
Crazy rides, hot chicks, dizzy heights... Cedar point just rocks!
The coasters at this place was almost as thrilling as the ones I can imagine. ie., they are goood... The speed of the coasters, the twists and turns and shootups and fall-downs gives you the satisfaction of spending $40.
A mistake I did was to sit in the bigger (so called scary) rides at the beginning. After that riding some of the smaller coasters feels like sitting on a merry-go-round. If I had seen one of those coasters at Dasara exhibition, I would have gone "Woooow man!".
Few of the rides last like nearly 5 mins. I remember this one called 'Maverick'. There was such a huge queue to that. But I even enjoyed the queue. Looking at all the girls around me in those skimpy clothes was just more than what i'd asked for. That queue was almost as long as the Tirupati queue... full of hot chicks - just awesome!
Im definitely goin there again. And im goin to ride each coaster twice...
Cedar point (link)
The coasters at this place was almost as thrilling as the ones I can imagine. ie., they are goood... The speed of the coasters, the twists and turns and shootups and fall-downs gives you the satisfaction of spending $40.
A mistake I did was to sit in the bigger (so called scary) rides at the beginning. After that riding some of the smaller coasters feels like sitting on a merry-go-round. If I had seen one of those coasters at Dasara exhibition, I would have gone "Woooow man!".
Few of the rides last like nearly 5 mins. I remember this one called 'Maverick'. There was such a huge queue to that. But I even enjoyed the queue. Looking at all the girls around me in those skimpy clothes was just more than what i'd asked for. That queue was almost as long as the Tirupati queue... full of hot chicks - just awesome!
Im definitely goin there again. And im goin to ride each coaster twice...
Cedar point (link)
Jun 10, 2008
The story so far
Second semester was like a lightning in slow motion. I kept feeling that I didn't study much during this sem. That was mainly because I didn't enjoy much. First sem was filled with tips to Millcreek mall and shopping and stuff. Second semester was filled with college and GE.
I always wanted to top the class once. The last time I remember doing that was in the first test in 5th standard. I had got 55/60. I saw my report card and got completely depessed at the 5 marks I lost. I later came to know that everyone else lost lot more than me. It felt good bing a winner.
Now I didn't feel anything about my 'so called' good results. No one really cares about it actually. There was a time when people used to show some interest in my life. Now everything seems as intersting as watching some Shahrukh movie on Zee cinema for the 27th time.
I also happened to spend the most boring birthday ever. I didn't even realize I turned 23. I've probably spent the most boring 3 months ever. The only consolation I get is that I brought this over myself. I am not a good guy. I always give others what I want from them, whether they like it or not. I ignore people who adore me and I run behind people who ignore me.
Everything changes in life in its own way. Things will change in my life too. I spend a big chunk of my time wallowing in the past. I sometimes jus hate everything. But something I noticed is that I don't do anything about it. Before I used to try changing things which I thought needed to be changed. Now Im doing things the other way round.
This blog is probrbly the most depressing blog ever. I'll probably write somthing interesting sometime.
I always wanted to top the class once. The last time I remember doing that was in the first test in 5th standard. I had got 55/60. I saw my report card and got completely depessed at the 5 marks I lost. I later came to know that everyone else lost lot more than me. It felt good bing a winner.
Now I didn't feel anything about my 'so called' good results. No one really cares about it actually. There was a time when people used to show some interest in my life. Now everything seems as intersting as watching some Shahrukh movie on Zee cinema for the 27th time.
I also happened to spend the most boring birthday ever. I didn't even realize I turned 23. I've probably spent the most boring 3 months ever. The only consolation I get is that I brought this over myself. I am not a good guy. I always give others what I want from them, whether they like it or not. I ignore people who adore me and I run behind people who ignore me.
Everything changes in life in its own way. Things will change in my life too. I spend a big chunk of my time wallowing in the past. I sometimes jus hate everything. But something I noticed is that I don't do anything about it. Before I used to try changing things which I thought needed to be changed. Now Im doing things the other way round.
This blog is probrbly the most depressing blog ever. I'll probably write somthing interesting sometime.
Apr 16, 2008
random thoughts
I feel im in a very relationshippy place now and I like it. I adore my girl and it just feels good being committed. That is like the best thing that ever happened to me. Not only for all the koochie koo stuff but also on the broader sense. I've learnt so much about life...
We all spend our lives chasing a dream till we one day we realize that we were neck deep in it, but we just waded past it hoping to reach a bigger sea. I wanted so much out of life that I never realized it when I had it. When things turn completely ugly I realize that it used to be pretty before.
Its like the axiom of life... I remember the lyrics of 'affirmation' by savage garden which actually got me thinking about all these...
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
I used to listen to this band a lot once upon a time. When I got my computer and had around 50 songs...
In one of the many mails I used to recieve, I had once read...
(apparently the words of Swamy Vivekananda)
Love is like holding water in your palm. You try to hold it tight, it'll slip through your fingers
So savage garden + swamy vivekananda =
"Love is like holding water in your palm. You'll try to hold it tight till you squeeze the last drop out and you'll realize you shouldn't have done it till your mouth goes dry and u feel thirsty"
Sometimes we really start dwelling in cocoons of our own misery!
We all spend our lives chasing a dream till we one day we realize that we were neck deep in it, but we just waded past it hoping to reach a bigger sea. I wanted so much out of life that I never realized it when I had it. When things turn completely ugly I realize that it used to be pretty before.
Its like the axiom of life... I remember the lyrics of 'affirmation' by savage garden which actually got me thinking about all these...
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
I used to listen to this band a lot once upon a time. When I got my computer and had around 50 songs...
In one of the many mails I used to recieve, I had once read...
(apparently the words of Swamy Vivekananda)
Love is like holding water in your palm. You try to hold it tight, it'll slip through your fingers
So savage garden + swamy vivekananda =
"Love is like holding water in your palm. You'll try to hold it tight till you squeeze the last drop out and you'll realize you shouldn't have done it till your mouth goes dry and u feel thirsty"
Sometimes we really start dwelling in cocoons of our own misery!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)