I wish she won't get married. I mean... I still see her as a kid! Things move so fat and all of a sudden she's gettin married??? My heart was out naked for her for so long. I can't find someone like that again. And she's getting married...
I think its time for me to prepare myself for a life of loneliness. I shouldn't be hard. When I think of a relationship, I should just get my 'conscious' mind to leave the thought and get back to some HTML or CSS. When I think about her with her new husband on a honeymoon or something, it would probably be a good time to test how fast I can run. I can run fast you know. I might lose my breath and my legs can cramp and I could stop moving. But I can run really really fast.
I was prepared for the fact that she was gonna go but I am not prepared for the fact that she's goin to be 'gone'. Fuck! In the list of people I really really dislike, I think I should reserve a seat for a bastard-to-be.
Is it all my fault? Did I do this? No its not me. Its your fault you fuckin 'time'... Fuckin cock suker. Go die in a pile of pig shit. 'Time'... if you were a real person and you were fuckin with my life like this I swear I would have made you tase your minced balls with extra chilli...
Mar 14, 2010
Mar 12, 2010
Why am I here?
Im not the kind of guy that enjoys the company of people. Most of the time I'd just like to be alone. But being alone at home gets... normal. I like to go out in the wild. For me 'the wile' is a place that is beyong the general commercial population. Way down on the highway where there aren't people walking around is a nice place to be at.
I remember the ring road around mysore. I remember the numerous times i've been on that. It was almost an year of being by myself. I drove my kinetic on that road, stopped at random places and just looked at the earth beyond. It always felt very peaceful. I liked the view of the sky touching the grass. No concrete between them.
I try to walk sometimes in this foreign land. I try to walk to place thats far away from home. But when its dark, its time for me to get back home. 'Home'... I almost don't know where it is. I want to get away from everyone. I want to live in the open skies. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I want to see the stars and the black sky as my blanket.
Why am I here? Why can't I get out of this place?
I remember the ring road around mysore. I remember the numerous times i've been on that. It was almost an year of being by myself. I drove my kinetic on that road, stopped at random places and just looked at the earth beyond. It always felt very peaceful. I liked the view of the sky touching the grass. No concrete between them.
I try to walk sometimes in this foreign land. I try to walk to place thats far away from home. But when its dark, its time for me to get back home. 'Home'... I almost don't know where it is. I want to get away from everyone. I want to live in the open skies. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I want to see the stars and the black sky as my blanket.
Why am I here? Why can't I get out of this place?
Feb 1, 2010
Over thinking
The problem with having new ideas is executing them. Sometimes you hear stories about people who have achieved success (which is an extremely relative word) with just a simple idea. So I sometimes think - "An idea is all that matters". Every now and then, I do get some ideas. But none of those ideas ever materialize as the work required to build it in concrete is a lot. By the time you are done building the foundation for one idea, you have the second one coming up. That's what over thinking does.
The second one is always more enticing than the first one. The first one begins to seem old. The idea fades and the foundation remains an abandoned area of naked steel rods and stray bricks. The first idea gets ditched and the second idea gets the treat from a hungry brain.
However, the third idea is always better than the second... In life you always end up leaving a trail of dead, unfulfilled ideas. Its a bit of a sad sight. Almost nostalgic.
The second one is always more enticing than the first one. The first one begins to seem old. The idea fades and the foundation remains an abandoned area of naked steel rods and stray bricks. The first idea gets ditched and the second idea gets the treat from a hungry brain.
However, the third idea is always better than the second... In life you always end up leaving a trail of dead, unfulfilled ideas. Its a bit of a sad sight. Almost nostalgic.
Dec 25, 2009
Carnivores
It is an ancient land. Rules are quite simple - The strong wins and the weak dies a.k.a "Survival if the fittest". There is competition among the hungry carnivores. Competition over meager ounces flesh available across the oasis of Kalahari. The land where the sun throws fire over scorched sands while the carnivores make run towards the puny rabbit. The long and tiring run beats drums in the carnivores ears. There are parallel tracks of foot-beats pounding causing the desert to sweat dust in the wake of the running creatures.
The carnivores' eyes are yellow with a fathomless slit of a pupil. A millionth seconds glance shows flashes of anxiety, greed, a life's purpose to run faster even while the blisters break to bleed new drops of blood that quietly dissipate into nothingness drawing nobody's attention. They run with mouth's open and their teeth sharp biting the dusty air.
There are others running around. There is no sense to sight a glance at others, nothing theatrical there, its the most primitive of games in the barren fields. One of the carnivores shall feed on the flesh while others shall watch and gnarl. One shall wear the crown of victory and slumber in satisfaction while others shall wail and curse. So the carnivores run, ready to pounce on the flesh or anything else that may come in their way.
The flight of the carnivores is no merry time for friends or family. Its the time in the wild - the rule of ruthlessness, the kingdom of competition. May friends be, or family, in the run - the transcendence is only to raw primitiveness.
The carnivores' eyes are yellow with a fathomless slit of a pupil. A millionth seconds glance shows flashes of anxiety, greed, a life's purpose to run faster even while the blisters break to bleed new drops of blood that quietly dissipate into nothingness drawing nobody's attention. They run with mouth's open and their teeth sharp biting the dusty air.
There are others running around. There is no sense to sight a glance at others, nothing theatrical there, its the most primitive of games in the barren fields. One of the carnivores shall feed on the flesh while others shall watch and gnarl. One shall wear the crown of victory and slumber in satisfaction while others shall wail and curse. So the carnivores run, ready to pounce on the flesh or anything else that may come in their way.
The flight of the carnivores is no merry time for friends or family. Its the time in the wild - the rule of ruthlessness, the kingdom of competition. May friends be, or family, in the run - the transcendence is only to raw primitiveness.
Dec 8, 2009
Monday, bloody monday
Colleague: We will solve the problem using Technique 1.
Me: Well, technique 1 is good but it will add a lot of overhead to our system apart from making it tough for the users to use the site. I think Technique 2 would be.....
Colleague: No, no, no, we'll use technique 1. Tu dimaag mat laga.
[A few days later]
Colleague: Im running into problems with technique 1.
Me: I knew this would happen. The reason behind this is blah blah. A solution could be blah blah. But if we use technique 2, we have a ready-made code available for.....
Colleague: No, no, no. Tu samajha nahi. Technique 1 mein user control kaha se aaya?
Me: Im talking about Technique 2 sir. In this we could...
Colleague: Zara samjha kar dada. Yeh dekh, blah blah
Me: Yes sir I completely understand your point. But I think we are overlooking one point here. Please let me explain this completely. I just want you to look at.....
Colleague: No, no, no, no. You don't understand. Hum technique 1 user karenge. Tu jyada dimaag mat laga.
[A few days later]
Colleague: Are yaar system bahut complicated ho raha hain.
Me: [Silence]
[A few days later]
Manager: So how did we decide to solve the problem gentleman?
Colleague: We will use blah blah. We will use technique 2 and blah blah. The user will have to logout and login each time they have to see a new entry but that will make their lives more easy. And blah blah.
Manager: I don't like that idea
Colleague: This is the ONLY way. We can ONLY use Technique 1. There is NO other way.
Manager: But I don't like that idea and neither will the users. Can't we come up with a new idea?
Me: Well, there is another technique we thought of. If we use Technique 2 instead of Technique 1, we can.....
Colleague: No, no, no, no. I will give you a new solution. This will solve all your problem. This is called "Technique 2". This is MY NEW SOLUTION actually. With this blah blah.
Manager: Yea, this is definitely a better idea. Go ahead with this.
[Manager leaves]
Colleague: Tu samjha?? Technique 1 kaam nahin karega. MERA idea hai hum Technique 2 use kare. Isse kaam bhi kam rahega aur users log bhi khush rahenge. Tu samjha ki mein samjhau??
Me:
Me: Well, technique 1 is good but it will add a lot of overhead to our system apart from making it tough for the users to use the site. I think Technique 2 would be.....
Colleague: No, no, no, we'll use technique 1. Tu dimaag mat laga.
[A few days later]
Colleague: Im running into problems with technique 1.
Me: I knew this would happen. The reason behind this is blah blah. A solution could be blah blah. But if we use technique 2, we have a ready-made code available for.....
Colleague: No, no, no. Tu samajha nahi. Technique 1 mein user control kaha se aaya?
Me: Im talking about Technique 2 sir. In this we could...
Colleague: Zara samjha kar dada. Yeh dekh, blah blah
Me: Yes sir I completely understand your point. But I think we are overlooking one point here. Please let me explain this completely. I just want you to look at.....
Colleague: No, no, no, no. You don't understand. Hum technique 1 user karenge. Tu jyada dimaag mat laga.
[A few days later]
Colleague: Are yaar system bahut complicated ho raha hain.
Me: [Silence]
[A few days later]
Manager: So how did we decide to solve the problem gentleman?
Colleague: We will use blah blah. We will use technique 2 and blah blah. The user will have to logout and login each time they have to see a new entry but that will make their lives more easy. And blah blah.
Manager: I don't like that idea
Colleague: This is the ONLY way. We can ONLY use Technique 1. There is NO other way.
Manager: But I don't like that idea and neither will the users. Can't we come up with a new idea?
Me: Well, there is another technique we thought of. If we use Technique 2 instead of Technique 1, we can.....
Colleague: No, no, no, no. I will give you a new solution. This will solve all your problem. This is called "Technique 2". This is MY NEW SOLUTION actually. With this blah blah.
Manager: Yea, this is definitely a better idea. Go ahead with this.
[Manager leaves]
Colleague: Tu samjha?? Technique 1 kaam nahin karega. MERA idea hai hum Technique 2 use kare. Isse kaam bhi kam rahega aur users log bhi khush rahenge. Tu samjha ki mein samjhau??
Me:
Schemers
There are two kinds of people: Schemers and fools. Schemers are the ones who think they have brains as big as Queen Latifa's ass and they use it to manipulate others and steal their success.
Schemers are the ones who think they are 'smart-ass' enough to make a profit out of nothing.
They're the ones who think of something, say something else, add a subliminal meaning to whatever they said and conclude a conversation with something completely different. At the end of the day they force happiness upon themselves by replacing the meaning of cunningness with 'being smart', replacing the meaning of cheating with 'talking' and replacing loser with 'over experienced'.
Fools can again be categorized into two: Ones who don't understand schemers, ones who understand them but don't do anything. The latter are the bigger fools.
Schemers are the ones who think they are 'smart-ass' enough to make a profit out of nothing.
They're the ones who think of something, say something else, add a subliminal meaning to whatever they said and conclude a conversation with something completely different. At the end of the day they force happiness upon themselves by replacing the meaning of cunningness with 'being smart', replacing the meaning of cheating with 'talking' and replacing loser with 'over experienced'.
Fools can again be categorized into two: Ones who don't understand schemers, ones who understand them but don't do anything. The latter are the bigger fools.
Dec 5, 2009
A nice saturday morning
So I woke up to the morning bliss this morning. I sometimes wonder what's really a 'good morning'. A good morning for me is when I wake up without any hurry to go to the office. I have enough time to relish the dream I was having when I had to wake up to take a leak. Come back from the restroom and go back to bed even when im not feeling very sleepy. But just enjoy how good it feels to have that extra hour of sleep.
This morning I woke up to a dream of Erie. My first home in US. I loved that place. Its just the kind of place I like. Sober, No life, everything moves slow, you need to wait for a while to see a guy walking down the street. That's the kind of place that grows on me. I get all the time I want to reflect on my life. Erie was one of those places where I used to wake up look outside the window at the light flurry of snow, feeling the chill and I actually thought 'this is something i'll miss later on'.
Most of the time in our lives we start missing something that we never knew we were going to miss. But Erie was unlike that. Now this first saturday of December 2009, I had that feeling again. Life's good.
This morning I woke up to a dream of Erie. My first home in US. I loved that place. Its just the kind of place I like. Sober, No life, everything moves slow, you need to wait for a while to see a guy walking down the street. That's the kind of place that grows on me. I get all the time I want to reflect on my life. Erie was one of those places where I used to wake up look outside the window at the light flurry of snow, feeling the chill and I actually thought 'this is something i'll miss later on'.
Most of the time in our lives we start missing something that we never knew we were going to miss. But Erie was unlike that. Now this first saturday of December 2009, I had that feeling again. Life's good.
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