Douche of a queue

In a series of stupidly executed moves my cab comes to another another temporary state of stillness in a massive overwhelming jam. Temporary because the resilient driver pushes it inch by inch in the few inches of space. I seriously believe cab and auto drivers think they're like that magic bus driver in 'Prisoner of Azkaban' that takes Hairy Pooper to that place with the cauldron that drips like the last few drops of pee. Magically the inches of gap between my cab and the one in front of it keeps reappearing in spite of my driver's relentless attempts to cover it till the cab kisses the butt of the cab in front of it. The driver of the cab in front of me must also be one of those magic bus drivers.

The traffic in Bangalore is more like sheep trying to get into a barricaded field through a little gate. I browse through so many documentaries on how well humans have evolved, but looks like there's a special case in Bangalore where the DNA has stubbornly refused to carry over the long learnt aspect of a Queue.

The whole concept has somehow been lost in the pages of history. If things go on like this, I feel sometime in the future our children's children's stupid children will talk about how their great great ancestors were capable of purchasing tickets from a kiosk in an orderly fashion. On the positive side, we are at the cusp of witnessing the loss this amazing human behavior.

It all starts with a gentle push. When the guy behind you, close enough that he is constantly touching your behind and you can almost feel his cigarette and paan soaked breath stain the back of your neck, decides to give you a gentle push hoping that it would set a chain reaction of stellar magnitude making the queue move at super sonic speeds till he reaches the kiosk allowing him to have a lengthy bargain and a little chat about life's ups and downs with the ticket seller at the kiosk. When he gets disappointed by the fact that the queue is moving at its own pace and is not giving any heed to the desires and needs of the guy behind, he decides to give another gentle push. A quality of us, Bangaloreans, Indians, is that we don't speak. I don't turn around and ask the person kindly to be patient. I don't really know the right words or how to say it. I have observed enough to see that many don't. Another quality of human life that is getting lost in the dusty pages of history.

In that situation where Im getting a gentle push from the person behind me with his overgrown tummy, I decide to let the person in front of me handle the problem and start pushing him. The guy behind me did start a chain reaction at this point but this reaction is so slow, like an old wrought iron gate rusting over the years, that it brings nobody any joy or relief. But we keep pushing each other, hoping someday, somehow, the queue will mover faster.

As time progresses people are getting smarter and they've begun to understand that queues are very stubborn. They move in only one direction and they can't control the pace of its movement by being in the queue. So they start approaching the kiosk from other possible avenues. This behavior has been in vogue in the recent past. Most shops encourage this new radical approach that humans have taken. They have a wide opening where anybody can order anything at any point of time. Like a medical store.

Recommended movie: Idiocracy

Time management

[Found this post gathering dust in the drafts for the past 2 years. This doesn't apply much to me anymore, but published it anyway. Fuck, who cares...]

Managing time is such a tedious task. Nothing is as difficult as trying to squeeze in 15 activities in a limited span of time. Once you start working time becomes a critical resource. I remember those summer vacations where my parents would advise me to do something with that ample amount of time. I also remember how royally I wasted them. Well... I spent way too long watching DD1 and re-reading Tinkle and Champak way too many times. (Hahaha... I can't believe there was a children's book called 'Tinkle')

I am always running short on time now. There are a million things to do but no time. If I spent all the time I had doing the things I wanted to I will be left with no time to... waste. That's such a problem. If I could convince my mind that whiling away hours at a stretch in front of the laptop going through a relentless list of YouTube videos is actually something ultra-productive, I'd be the happiest guy on Earth. But even when my mind screams that I should do something productive in the time I have, I click the next link in the 'Related Videos' section. People called TV the idiot box. YouTube is its super-powered mutant offspring. It captures you and steals hours. I am a slave to it. That and several other portals on the internet with lucrative links in the 'You might like this too...' sections. If only it read 'Here are 15 other ways to fuck around with your time' I might think twice. Maybe not. But a lot of my time goes in watching or reading stuff that just does not add enough spice to my life.

There are things to do. Songs to learn. Sketches to finish. Compositions to complete. Frameworks to learn. Applications to code. Friends to talk to. Topics to learn. Science to understand...

Damn. That's a big list. But in the grand scheme of things what's the point if you don't add things to your brain? There are a hundred things that I wish I had done by now. If I don't do the things I want to do now I will have a list of thousand in a few years. I don't want to be one of those old guys basking in the tales of half-achievements. I need to achieve something substantial and make it all the way to the finish line on it. Starting a race is easy but finishing it is what matters... A video comes to mind here. (Too dramatic for this post. But what the hell... Its a good video)

[Random YouTube link that I can't find anymore... Sorry]

The key to everything is time management. If you can manage the time to do the things you want you will achieve what you want. Material temptations in life always drive you away from these.

In the city

In the city we are where we systematically and continuously give into the nonsense of a scheduled daily life. Slowly getting adapted to the maddening noise of life that strives to trample upon others creating nothing but a jelly of crushed attempts to stand on top. Striving daily to find the peace that was once promised by none other than yourself as it morphs into lies that someone poisoned you with. As you move into denial of the struggle to constantly just live, you give into the needs of the city.

In the city where souls are blindfolded into a circular track with the promise of wealth and happiness at the end we run like animals. Always ready to get past your friend or family who is equally stupid as you to be running on the track. Running in circles you come across old dogs who have well learnt the trick to run in circles as age and responsibilities cloud their memory banks of the initial promise that got them on the track. They walk.

In the city that slowly eats through you, making you a part of itself, digesting the idea of free will and free space, stuffing you into the overflowing bowl of human food. Devouring you like maggots that feed on the bodies of the dead making the skin grow pale and then disappear with your flesh and organs leaving behind the carcass that even the parasites would deny the city eats through every thought in you.

In the city that feeds you with the screams and yells and gives you the armor of overlooking the cry for need. Dropping you like crumbs of bread in a soup of confusion until you soften and sink to the bottom as a slimy piece of nothing. Fills you with an urgency to change your personality and wear the uniform of true arrogance with a hat of negligence paraded with a golden pom-pom of a sense of false superiority.

Remembering childhood

My childhood days contain such sweet and amazing memories. I enjoyed being alone and I generally kept to myself. I played in my backyard while everyone slept.

For the past couple of days I have been spiraling into these memories... the ones in my backyard. It was a concrete backyard with a lot of shade. Half constructed walls were my bowlers and fielders when I played cricket. I remember it being so big. I used to play football, cricket, tennis (or so I thought then), badminton, tennicoit and other games that I created by myself. I used to run around like a mad fellow there. I loved that backyard. The dimensions of my backyard was something like 8' x 15' with a wall in the middle separating it into two 7'x8' areas. But back then it seemed big enough for a full fledged game of cricket.

The fondest memories I had are with old books that were to be sold for recycling by weight (kept in the backyard to save space inside), sticks from the broom, a bottle of fevicol and my father's surplus school supplies like pins and tags that somehow found their way to the backyard as well. I used to make miniature cricket bats... It used to vary from 3-10 cm in length. Something that I envisioned as a bat for a metal ball bearing (which I used to find near cycle shops and on footpaths). I'd collected ball bearings of various sizes. (Im not sure if ball-bearing is the right word. Calling it a metal ball somehow sounds wrong) I remember one cricket set of a broomstick+paper+cardboard bat, a ball (bearing), a tiny wicket (about 2 cm in height) fit snug in a stapler pin box. A slightly bigger version fit in a HomeLites matchbox. I used to have so much fun making these. I even played with the miniature cricket sets. I had once created a field with a circular piece of cardboard about 15 cm in diameter with adjustable fielders who actually managed to catch the ball, a ramp on which you can roll the ball which served as the bowler and a tiny piece of cardboard stuck upright that served as the wicket. I made these things and I played with them and I had the best time of my life. Nobody ever knew about these things. Except my parents of course who were pleased to see the cricket sets.

I want to search for these cricket sets on my next visit to Mysore. Somewhere in the process of growing up and growing out of my shorts I seem to have lost the cricket sets. I have searched for this several times before. Ill search again. I know I won't find it, but I'll search anyway. Along with these I remember a cycle made of broom sticks and cardboard (the wheels were made of cardboard), some chalk carvings, some carvings on the broom sticks. (The thick bamboo sticks... they were some 3-6 mm thick)

I stayed put at that place for 22 years and developed such fond memories. Im going there this weekend to get the furniture there to my new apartment in Bangalore. I somehow feel uncomfortable doing that. I feel I shouldn't move anything from that place. Its like taking away an organ from this creature that has raised you since you were a kid. But memories should remain memories right? If you try to hold onto it and build upon it, you are just painting over an existing image.

I love my childhood days in Mysore. My city, my home. I've been in several cities. Bangalore is good. But nothing compares to Mysore. It is just so special that nothing can be compared to it.

Bright future for bangalore

"God can only improve the traffic in Bangalore"...
"Look at the fly over... There is a traffic jam on it. The traffic in this city will never improve"...
" This is fucked up man!"...
"I really love the Malls and Resturants and all the shopping places in Bangalore. I just hope I find a Boyfriend who has a car with a nice a/c to drive me around. I really HATE this traffic"...

I've listened to lines like these since... forever! I've heard these so many times from so many people that I almost start believing in it. The whining by these people paints a picture of some innocent bunch of people, all jolly and giggly, driving an LML Vespa on a road with "Yeh dosti..." sounding in the background and all of a sudden some unknown evil force of nature puts traffic around them and goes MUHAHAHAHAAA! Come on! We're the fucking traffic! If you use the road and say 'I hate the traffic', its like your penis getting up and saying 'I doesn't like you anymore Rodney'. (Remember the Penis Song by Rodney Harrington?) We're a part of the traffic and we're a part of the problem.

Is this how it will be in the days to come? If an acquaintance of mine wants to move to Bangalore should I warn them that they're coming to a place that's going to be overrun with Auto-Rickshaws (like the scene with the nomadic ants in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull) in the next few months and therefore should run in the opposite direction?

I don't think so. I see a nicer future for Bangalore...

Bangalore is young


Unlike cities that are well established with current infrastructure (I have NY in mind) Bangalore is still very uneven. The depth by which technology and updated infrastructure has penetrated areas in Bangalore is very uneven. Evening this out is when young Bangalore starts moving towards adulthood. NY for example has awesome young and interesting people in the city, but the city by itself is like a 50 year old. Changes there take time, paper work, union workers... Its like asking a 50 year old to run. They wont run... Bangalore is still malleable. Its upto us to give it its shape as an adult.

We'll find better fuel


The current city we see runs on fuel, with prices shooting up everyday, close to exhaution (either because its naturally exhausted or because the prices are so high that we just can't afford it). In the coming months the govt. is going to remove the subsidies on diesel and people will stop using diesel. Petrol is a much better option. Petrol may not dry out in the next few years but its price is going to get so high that we will consider battery powered vehicles. And viola... no more smoke on the streets! No more jerks driving auto-rickshaws spewing thick black smoke into your face at a traffic signal.

Awesome mass transport

As I indicated in my previous post, the Bangalore metro is going to kick ass! I can't wait to get drunk on a Saturday and ride the metro back home. (That's when I really appreciate the usefullness of Metro)

People will cycle more

Listen to the radio about fitness experts. They ask you to cycle to work. But we're Indians. We're lazy. We won't cycle will we? Wrong~! I am seeing an increasing number of people who train to be fit. People jog in the morning. People work out. Once we have battery operated cars and less smoke, we will definitely have more cyclists in the city.

There are a lot of pessimists around. But bitching about your own home is really pathetic if you don't do anything about it. Don't bitch about the traffic if you don't follow the rules yourself. Don't overtake vehicles from the left. If you want to solve the traffic problem, start by driving better. If you want to solve a problem, be a part of the solution, or shut the fuck up!

Bangalore Metro 10 years later (maybe)

This is an addition to my prevous post. This is a nicer representation of what the metro will look like after the completion of Phase 2 and the completion of Moro/LRT. (Open in new window/tab for a nice large view)

I had the Boston MTA (the 'T') map in mind when I did this. This brings together the existing commuter rail, the metro and the Mono/LRT lines together to show the connectivity between the stations. When you're coming to bangalore from Mysore, you can get off at Kengeri / Nayandahalli and board the metro through an underground walkable route for passengers. Same will be at the Whitefield/Cantonment station when you're reaching bangalore from Chennai.

I was driving by Marenhalli road in Jaynagar and I saw the 'namma metro' safety partitions on three places on this road. This would be the Yellow line that goes from RV Rd. to Electronic city through Silk Board. Looks like Phase 2 is going to start before the completion of Phase 1. The metro is going to run on the left of Marenhalli road (a.k.a. Inner Ring Road, a.k.a. RagiGudda Rd, a.k.a. BTM Rd) if you are driving towards Silk Board. That's good news.

oncrete structure (whatever it's called) on the pillars and the rails on it. The side parts are remaining.
- Also, a small progress report on the metro construction I have seen:
- The curve on the green line at the northern end of RV Road (Minerva) is almost complete. They've laid the cThe puttenhalli part seems to be coming along quite fine. A drive down Kanakpura road shows an 'almost complete' metro from Sarakki signal till Puttenhalli stop.
- RV Road has gone back to being awesomer after they've removed the blockades they had for the construction and re-metalled the roads. Only the parts of the road under the 4 stations are remaining. The divider between the roads is being done now as well. The few parts, where the divider is constructed, painted and some bushes laid, look very pretty.
- The Mysore road part is going on but very slow. The ORR, Mys Rd double fly over construction is in full swing to compensate for the slow metro construction.
- I read that the northern part of the green line - From Kuvempu Rd to Peenya is going to be functional in a few months. (Will update the post with a link to the article later... Maybe)

Bangalore - Namma Metro & Mono / LRT

Bangalore, the place I've made home (for the moment) is one of those places that keeps buzzing with people, friendly with the young crowd, an oasis of IT jobs (resulting in tremendous job opportunities for cigarette retailers), filled with cool hotels and food joints, has an international touch to it and most of all has the kind of traffic that would make you want to jump off the first 10 storey building that could be spotted. Wonderful place really.

I started pondering about the last feature of bangalore - the traffic. Its something that's bothered me deeply since the early 2000s. The time of S M Krishna and the big IT influx. Bangalore, though was the place I used to visit for my summer vacations, became a place I would avoid at all costs during my Engineering days. I want Bangalore to be better than what it is now. Especially the traffic. Bangalore has all these cool places strewn about in Jaynagar, JP Nagar, UB city, Residency road, Malleshwaram... but in the short window of a day, which closes at 11PM (a seriously whack in a balls for a late night party), it sometimes gets close to impossible to get to these places. How can this situation get better?

I gathered information about the upcoming phases of 'Namma Metro' and and the Monorail / Light Rail Transport. Looks like there's going to be a good network of quick public transport when that's done. Here's one map I created to indicate the transport lines that will be generated in the next 10, or so, years.

I think you can click on the map to view a larger image. Here are some details about the map:

Purple Line - East/West line from Mysore road - MG Road - Whitefield

Green Line - From Anjanapura (Kanakpura Rd + NICE Rd Jn.) - Banashankari Temple - Majestic - Yeshwantpur - Peenya - BMIC

Red Line - This is a Phase II thing. Gottigere - Jayadeva Hospital - Diary Circle - MG Road - Manyata

Yellow (Brown) Line - Another Phase II thing. RV Road - Silk Board - Electronic City

Black Lines - These are the Monorail / LRT system that will be coming up. This seems to be waaay cooler than the Metro that's being constructed now. Monorail in Bangalore will be comparable to the ones in Paris, Memphis and Moscow. That's awesome! Mono/LRT will be connecting places to the Metro.

Black Cricles - These are the 4 main Metro to Metro interchanges. I think they will be constructed such that you can move from one station to another without having to get down the stairs and back up again. You'll always be in the Metro station area

Grey Circles - These will be the Mono to Metro or Mono to Mono interchanges. No clue how these will be. It will also be very interesting to see how the Monorail stations will be designed.

Thinking about all these gives me goosebumps. It reminds me of my days in US changing from Jersey Shore light rail to PATH and then to NY Subway... Travelling in those is a different experience as compared to driving a motorcycle in Bangalore for a fair 1/5ths of a day while breathing varied doses of dust and smoke and diesel smoke and cement dust and what not. The first thing is you're not driving and your hands and eyes and ears are free. You can utilize that portion of the day to do something useful like arranging the icons on your smartphone or reading a novel or just talk to another person in the train. I for one will just trip on the areal view of things around me. The fact that most part of the Metro and the Monorail system will be pretty high off the ground makes me wanna ride it right now.

The biggest advantage of this would be a reduction in traffic. A better connectivity would definitely encourage people to use this system than drive around themselves. This internally brings about another change - People will walk more and get a bit healthier. Walking a kilo meter or so a day and then travelling in an AC bogie beats no walking and driving in a could of dust and smoke and diesel smoke and cement dust and what not...

At the end of all these comes our responsibility in keeping things clean and in a good condition that we feel like using it. If we start screwing around with it and start complaining about the things we screwed up ourselves we'll have less fun. Just like the way we've fucked around with the traffic. We don't follow the rules, we overtake from the wrong side, we don't show signals properly and we do all kinda bad driving and we complain about bad traffic.

All in all... Im looking forward to make Bangalore better, a bit more peaceful, a bit greener and a bit more homely.

How star-gazing saved my day (night actually)

This was an incident that happened sometime in the summer of 2010. A fun personal memory.

I was coming back to Princeton from Bethlehem. It was a pretty long distance to cover. Some 50-100 miles I guess. I had lent my GPS to a friend of mine, but I had my iPhone, which had an excellent 3G connection, the most upgraded version of Google Maps and a really really bad battery. My friend and I drove to PA and I headed back by myself at 11/12 in the night. I got lost after 15 mins into the drive. My battery had died. I drove further hoping to find a rest area on the highway where there will be some maps/guides to get me back to NJ. I couldn't find any. I really missed the paan-ka-thelas like in India at that point.

I stepped out of the vehicle after driving for about 30 minutes. I stretched and looked up. Orion was at the horizon. That's as close to the zenith it gets at those latitudes. The hunter, Orion, stands with his feet towards the south and head towards the north pretty squarely. I decided to drive towards his right. It would be east. Got to some strange junctions and took a bet on the next turn. A few bad turns later I was headed due East. I knew this would take me to NJ. I stopped again and looked at the sky to be sure. I often used to end up at strange places thinking the road is going straight while the road is actually curving in some direction. Contour Rd. in Gokulam, Mysore is one of those roads. No matter what direction I went in, I ended up at this strange junction called Doctor's corner. I usually had to call my friend Yuvraj to get me out of that place. So I checked the sky again and I saw that Orion had set. Leo had risen completely from the East, which was straight ahead on the road. I went on.

As expected I reached NJ turnpike which is a North-South highway a while later. I could figure out my way from here. It was just a matter of taking Exit 9 towards Route 1 and go straight to Princeton. I finally made it at about 3:00 AM. It was quite an adventure to be on alone. With most of the streets deserted and no passer-by to guide you, the stars are one entity you can turn to.

Sometime in the future... or so I dreamt

I'll drive a hybrid from Mysore to Bangalore in an H2 powered car. To avoid the car getting too humid from the water vapor generated by the car after controlled burning of Hydrogen fuel cells, I stop at the service area of the 12 lane NICE road (which was completed after years of controversy when the politicians grabbing land were booted by the general public) somewhere near the Maddur recreational rest center. It would be about 30 mins since I left Mysore as I kept well under the speed limit of 200 kmph.

As I drive through the humpless NICE road (people would have agreed that 'nice' is the right name for this road, for it does not have any humps on it), I reach the ORR flyover that connects to Mysore road - a maze of flyovers that allows for smooth traffic flow between East and West bound traffic on the ORR as well as tolled and non-tolled traffic on Mys-Bang road (which would be an 8 lane road, except in Mandya where it still is a 2 lane road as it was in 1975) and NICE road. Getting to Hebbal would be my next goal, but, in Bangalore would be quite a challenge if you try to drive all by yourself. So I park the car in one of the several multi-storeyed parking spots, that are available for every short distance (and keeps all stationary vehicles off the road). With the development of the instant car finder, parking the cars in these places takes a few seconds and getting them out takes no more than a minute. With the car parked, I walk to the nearest Metro which arrives in another minute and I reach Majestic in about 10 minutes. I transfer to another metro which takes about 12 more minutes to reach Hebbal.

Sanitation in Bangalore would be privatized to 'Ugly Bangalore', one of the most successful private sanitation awareness industry, which charges people a minimum amount of money to keep the roads and sidewalks clean.  Being a Monday you could see the Yellow and Green trucks picking up garbage from the doorsteps and apartment complexes. 'Ugly Bangalore' also got an award for encouraging everyone on Bangalore to go for H-Fuel cell cars and covering the dust-producing areas in Bangalore to reduce the AQI from 8 to 1.2.

After I reached Hebbal I could hear one of my co-passengers talk about the journey. "Yen maDadu saar... Nobody cares about the general public. Its been almost 1.5 hours of travel from Ballal Circle to Bangalore, Hebbal. Things will never improve with these politicians. Yavaaglu hinge. Uddhara aagalla nammuru". I walk upto my friend's house hoping the Metro, KSRTC and the roads around mysore and bangalore will improve at some point in the future.

What it with Bangalore anyway?

Its very common to get angry or stressed out in this Bangalore environment. I remember being in US for the past 3 years without actually being bothered about anything that could stress me out. Now I try tho think what's making the difference.

Im here in Bangy at my sis' place. Im here with my mother father and my nephew most of the time. My sis and bro in law set out for a day of work early in the morning and get back in the night. Sometimes in the evening. During this time I am at this position where I need to actively participate in random conversations, which in my opinion is completely useless. For example, as soon as I get off a phone call, my mother asks... "Who was it?". Now I need to answer the question and other related questions that follow. My nephew is playing and he needs constant attention or he'll start screaming. I don't exactly know why but he likes playing with me. So, I need to play with that dude and answer all the questions. At this time I would be planning to go out for a jog, but I think I'll finish off what I'm doing now, playing with my nephew and answering some questions and then go for a jog. By this time my father is unhappy that I haven't finished my glass of milk which was half a liter of boiling hot Bournvita. While I start drinking it and keep playing with my nephew and answer few more questions, which by now has gone completely tangential, my father wants to get in on the asking questions business. He asks "Who was it?". My mother is ticked off because my father is hijacking her Q&A session. I don't really mind this because I'll give the same impassive answer that I gave previously. During this whole process I am being told to do things which I will do anyway, but my parents, I think, get some kind of satisfaction by actually telling me to do stuff like "Brush your teeth" (Usually with instructions), "Go have bath now", "Go check your email", "Go sit down for a while". Finally when I decide to go out for a jog, my mother offers breakfast. ("Eat your breakfast"). So the morning jog is cancelled. During this my father, who likes to clean stuff, would have cleaned the cupboard that contains my clothes. 1 boxer would be with my jeans because it takes the same shape as the jeans when both are folded. The other would be with everyone else's undies as they are all the same size. One of my ties is on a tie hanger as there is place for 1 tie. Other ties are in my jacket cover. I usually have to look for EVERYTHING (like underwear, glasses, belt, wallet, usb drives, chargers, money, pyjamas, etc.,) as nothing stays where I placed them. My father can't control the urge to move everything to a slightly different place according to the logic in his mind at that moment, which he  forgets immediately (the logic and the location where an object was moved). When Im in a hurry and can't find my wallet, I really miss the 'absolutely no entry without explicit permissions by Shishir Rao' rule for my room in Mysore. Here I wish I had a room.

Following this really criss-crossed communication pattern through the morning and noon, which ends up benefiting no one at the end, I try to do something to entertain myself. I have the following options:
- Watch TV
- Play with my nephew
- Watch TV
- and Watch TV
Someone else was watching some program that looked utterly depressing on the TV, so I decide to play with my nephew. Then my mother remembers to ask me more about my Visa status and updates from individual persons from the 3 companies I am affiliated to in US. While Im half way through it, my father joins in and re-asks the same questions. Mother is ticked off. Father is ticked off that mother is ticked off. Im already ticked off as I woke up ticked off because I was ticked off when I slept.

Finally its lunch time and I decide to browse something while my nephew is asleep (After eating lunch which I do to just stay away from doing anything else). While I do this, my parents ask me if there are any updates like every 3 minutes. I reply with a "no" or a "mm-hmmm". Evening - and my nephew is up and its back playing. So, I join until my sis gets back. I've been doing this since Nov 6th with the exception of the days when Im in Mysore.

Driving in Bangalore is fun enough to have Charlie Chaplin (the character) punch the co-passenger just to feel good. On a two wheeler its a nightmare and a drive in a car is an experience my vocabulary falls short to describe. A few minutes into my drive I notice myself frowning with my eyebrows squinted, lips upturned and a swear tickling at the tip of my tongue. Not a fun morning if you had to drive.

When I was in NJ, I used to be at home in MY room where no one ever bothered me. I would eat whatever, whenever. I would call people whenever. I had access to everything I ever wanted. My roomies were chilled out. The only thing that ever bothered me there was some hard time my manager gave me. Which is such a silly thing to stress over because I care so less about my manager ticking me off. If I was really and truly bothered, I would step out for a stroll and a smoke and I'd be as peaceful as a sloth on a Sunday.

Here something ticks me off and I step out of the house and my father comes down behind me to make sure "everything is alright". Once I come back in my mother has a bunch of questions about why I went down. There is no escaping. My nephew starts screaming around this time.

Is it too much to ask for some personal space where people don't disturb me? I love everyone here, but if I don't have some time for myself in my own mind I find it hard to pretend the environment around me is all cozy and comfy. Im somewhat sick of this place man. Its not that I like US, or that I have India. but I'd like to be in a place where I have my own room and a bit of freedom. A 2 bedroom apartment with 6 people is tough to bear when a temporary stay for 3 weeks extends to 3 months.

Time to restart

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. Things have changed since then and so have I. Life's gotten a lot better and things are all green with those annoying little smileys everywhere. I will re-start blogging.

Cheers... to new beginnings.

Ghosts

At some point of time things are just not goin to be ok. You know you're going though a certain amount of shit while someone else is getting a nice fuck in the bed. Hurts my feelings...

But that's something that you need to get used to. You break up and you know this is goin to happen. But when you know its happening, you feel you were just not prepared for this. A friend of mine said, if you break up with someone, remember that she's getting fucked by someone else. Well, its easier said than thought.

But Things have changed a lot in my life now. Have a job, a car, been workin out, and been feelin kinda good about myself.

Man... this is a shitty post... I'll stop this fucin thing right here in between this senten

Angry???

You don't even know angry... I've had sex with anger!

I've been so angry in my life you don't even know what I've done in anger. Anger was something I used to bathe in. I used to breathe fire. My eyes were embers. My skin was the surface of a furnace. When I was angry I can burn you.

I've been angry. I've been so angry that i would have scared myself if i'd seen me that angry. There are very few people who've seen me like that. Maybe I'm close to them, maybe they've unlucky. I've begun to think that im not close to any human on this earth. So that would only mean that they're fuckin unlucky.

Its been a while since I felt that temperature in me. That bubbling of blood in the veins. There should be something as hot as fire inside you that could cause such a thing to happen. Im so peaceful nowadays. Nothing even touches me. I feel there's a wall around me and everything around the wall is just a breeze. It just passes by without even getting my attention.

There was something sometime that got in. Destroyed the walls, Broke into the granite bricks of my walls. Killed my security and pulled me out of the kings chamber. Got me out into the wild weather and challenged me. I fell in love with it.

Fuck you 'time'...

I wish she won't get married. I mean... I still see her as a kid! Things move so fat and all of a sudden she's gettin married??? My heart was out naked for her for so long. I can't find someone like that again. And she's getting married...

I think its time for me to prepare myself for a life of loneliness. I shouldn't be hard. When I think of a relationship, I should just get my 'conscious' mind to leave the thought and get back to some HTML or CSS. When I think about her with her new husband on a honeymoon or something, it would probably be a good time to test how fast I can run. I can run fast you know. I might lose my breath and my legs can cramp and I could stop moving. But I can run really really fast.

I was prepared for the fact that she was gonna go but I am not prepared for the fact that she's goin to be 'gone'. Fuck! In the list of people I really really dislike, I think I should reserve a seat for a bastard-to-be.

Is it all my fault? Did I do this? No its not me. Its your fault you fuckin 'time'... Fuckin cock suker. Go die in a pile of pig shit. 'Time'... if you were a real person and you were fuckin with my life like this I swear I would have made you tase your minced balls with extra chilli...

Why am I here?

Im not the kind of guy that enjoys the company of people. Most of the time I'd just like to be alone. But being alone at home gets... normal. I like to go out in the wild. For me 'the wile' is a place that is beyong the general commercial population. Way down on the highway where there aren't people walking around is a nice place to be at.

I remember the ring road around mysore. I remember the numerous times i've been on that. It was almost an year of being by myself. I drove my kinetic on that road, stopped at random places and just looked at the earth beyond. It always felt very peaceful. I liked the view of the sky touching the grass. No concrete between them.

I try to walk sometimes in this foreign land. I try to walk to place thats far away from home. But when its dark, its time for me to get back home. 'Home'... I almost don't know where it is. I want to get away from everyone. I want to live in the open skies. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I want to see the stars and the black sky as my blanket.

Why am I here? Why can't I get out of this place?

Over thinking

The problem with having new ideas is executing them. Sometimes you hear stories about people who have achieved success (which is an extremely relative word) with just a simple idea. So I sometimes think - "An idea is all that matters". Every now and then, I do get some ideas. But none of those ideas ever materialize as the work required to build it in concrete is a lot. By the time you are done building the foundation for one idea, you have the second one coming up. That's what over thinking does.

The second one is always more enticing than the first one. The first one begins to seem old. The idea fades and the foundation remains an abandoned area of naked steel rods and stray bricks. The first idea gets ditched and the second idea gets the treat from a hungry brain.

However, the third idea is always better than the second... In life you always end up leaving a trail of dead, unfulfilled ideas. Its a bit of a sad sight. Almost nostalgic.

Carnivores

It is an ancient land. Rules are quite simple - The strong wins and the weak dies a.k.a "Survival if the fittest". There is competition among the hungry carnivores. Competition over meager ounces flesh available across the oasis of Kalahari. The land where the sun throws fire over scorched sands while the carnivores make run towards the puny rabbit. The long and tiring run beats drums in the carnivores ears. There are parallel tracks of foot-beats pounding causing the desert to sweat dust in the wake of the running creatures.

The carnivores' eyes are yellow with a fathomless slit of a pupil. A millionth seconds glance shows flashes of anxiety, greed, a life's purpose to run faster even while the blisters break to bleed new drops of blood that quietly dissipate into nothingness drawing nobody's attention. They run with mouth's open and their teeth sharp biting the dusty air.

There are others running around. There is no sense to sight a glance at others, nothing theatrical there, its the most primitive of games in the barren fields. One of the carnivores shall feed on the flesh while others shall watch and gnarl. One shall wear the crown of victory and slumber in satisfaction while others shall wail and curse. So the carnivores run, ready to pounce on the flesh or anything else that may come in their way.

The flight of the carnivores is no merry time for friends or family. Its the time in the wild - the rule of ruthlessness, the kingdom of competition. May friends be, or family, in the run - the transcendence is only to raw primitiveness.

Monday, bloody monday

Colleague: We will solve the problem using Technique 1.
Me: Well, technique 1 is good but it will add a lot of overhead to our system apart from making it tough for the users to use the site. I think Technique 2 would be.....
Colleague: No, no, no, we'll use technique 1. Tu dimaag mat laga.

[A few days later]

Colleague: Im running into problems with technique 1.
Me: I knew this would happen. The reason behind this is blah blah. A solution could be blah blah. But if we use technique 2, we have a ready-made code available for.....
Colleague: No, no, no. Tu samajha nahi. Technique 1 mein user control kaha se aaya?
Me: Im talking about Technique 2 sir. In this we could...
Colleague: Zara samjha kar dada. Yeh dekh, blah blah
Me: Yes sir I completely understand your point. But I think we are overlooking one point here. Please let me explain this completely. I just want you to look at.....
Colleague: No, no, no, no. You don't understand. Hum technique 1 user karenge. Tu jyada dimaag mat laga.

[A few days later]

Colleague: Are yaar system bahut complicated ho raha hain.
Me: [Silence]

[A few days later]

Manager: So how did we decide to solve the problem gentleman?
Colleague: We will use blah blah. We will use technique 2 and blah blah. The user will have to logout and login each time they have to see a new entry but that will make their lives more easy. And blah blah.
Manager: I don't like that idea
Colleague: This is the ONLY way. We can ONLY use Technique 1. There is NO other way.
Manager: But I don't like that idea and neither will the users. Can't we come up with a new idea?
Me: Well, there is another technique we thought of. If we use Technique 2 instead of Technique 1, we can.....
Colleague: No, no, no, no. I will give you a new solution. This will solve all your problem. This is called "Technique 2". This is MY NEW SOLUTION actually. With this blah blah.
Manager: Yea, this is definitely a better idea. Go ahead with this.

[Manager leaves]

Colleague: Tu samjha?? Technique 1 kaam nahin karega. MERA idea hai hum Technique 2 use kare. Isse kaam bhi kam rahega aur users log bhi khush rahenge. Tu samjha ki mein samjhau??
Me:

Schemers

There are two kinds of people: Schemers and fools. Schemers are the ones who think they have brains as big as Queen Latifa's ass and they use it to manipulate others and steal their success.
Schemers are the ones who think they are 'smart-ass' enough to make a profit out of nothing.

They're the ones who think of something, say something else, add a subliminal meaning to whatever they said and conclude a conversation with something completely different. At the end of the day they force happiness upon themselves by replacing the meaning of cunningness with 'being smart', replacing the meaning of cheating with 'talking' and replacing loser with 'over experienced'.

Fools can again be categorized into two: Ones who don't understand schemers, ones who understand them but don't do anything. The latter are the bigger fools.

A nice saturday morning

So I woke up to the morning bliss this morning. I sometimes wonder what's really a 'good morning'. A good morning for me is when I wake up without any hurry to go to the office. I have enough time to relish the dream I was having when I had to wake up to take a leak. Come back from the restroom and go back to bed even when im not feeling very sleepy. But just enjoy how good it feels to have that extra hour of sleep.

This morning I woke up to a dream of Erie. My first home in US. I loved that place. Its just the kind of place I like. Sober, No life, everything moves slow, you need to wait for a while to see a guy walking down the street. That's the kind of place that grows on me. I get all the time I want to reflect on my life. Erie was one of those places where I used to wake up look outside the window at the light flurry of snow, feeling the chill and I actually thought 'this is something i'll miss later on'.

Most of the time in our lives we start missing something that we never knew we were going to miss. But Erie was unlike that. Now this first saturday of December 2009, I had that feeling again. Life's good.