I lost something today. I don't know what it was, but there's something missing.
Its like something has been removed from my daily life. Something gone missing.
Its like one of those times when you've forgotten to take your wallet and you feel you've forgotten something. I know there's something missing, I just don't know what it is.
Sep 28, 2009
Aug 25, 2009
The Hero
Everybody wants to be a hero. As a kid he tries to put on a towel as a cape and pretend to be superman or run around on the bed calling himself he-man. But soon he will grow beyond that dream.
As adolescence comes he tries to become a hero in real life. Among friends as the guy who peers admire or as the guy all the girls secretly look at. But then he does not really achieve what really makes him feel like a hero.
He grows up and gets a job. He goes to work everyday and one day he hopes to achieve great heights. Be the corporate hero who rose from a smalltime job to a frontpage news. But then again the corporate monster chews on that dream looms larger in the sky while the guy gets sucked into the shadows.
Somewhere along the way he will fall in love. He hopes to give the girl all the love in the world. Give her the best care and hope to see in her eyes the admiration for a hero. But soon he gets married and all he will see is his wife looking at the same old face she's seen over the years. The hero dies and the husband survives.
Few more years down the line, he will have a kid. He's going to tell the kid all the stories that once made him go 'wow'. He'll see that there were a million stories he heard as a kid but only some still linger. He will take care of his kid and he hopes to see in the kids eyes the admiration he once had as a kid. I remember thinking that my father could do anything in this world. But soon his kid will grow up and see the same old nagging father he was.
One day the guy is going to stand in front of a mirror he had seen himself in. He had started combing his hair by himself in front of that mirror. He remembers shaving for the first time in front of that. He remembers looking at those irritating pimples he had. He remembers the first grey hair he had noticed. He stares at the old wrinkled man in the mirror and he finally sees...
As adolescence comes he tries to become a hero in real life. Among friends as the guy who peers admire or as the guy all the girls secretly look at. But then he does not really achieve what really makes him feel like a hero.
He grows up and gets a job. He goes to work everyday and one day he hopes to achieve great heights. Be the corporate hero who rose from a smalltime job to a frontpage news. But then again the corporate monster chews on that dream looms larger in the sky while the guy gets sucked into the shadows.
Somewhere along the way he will fall in love. He hopes to give the girl all the love in the world. Give her the best care and hope to see in her eyes the admiration for a hero. But soon he gets married and all he will see is his wife looking at the same old face she's seen over the years. The hero dies and the husband survives.
Few more years down the line, he will have a kid. He's going to tell the kid all the stories that once made him go 'wow'. He'll see that there were a million stories he heard as a kid but only some still linger. He will take care of his kid and he hopes to see in the kids eyes the admiration he once had as a kid. I remember thinking that my father could do anything in this world. But soon his kid will grow up and see the same old nagging father he was.
One day the guy is going to stand in front of a mirror he had seen himself in. He had started combing his hair by himself in front of that mirror. He remembers shaving for the first time in front of that. He remembers looking at those irritating pimples he had. He remembers the first grey hair he had noticed. He stares at the old wrinkled man in the mirror and he finally sees...
Aug 24, 2009
The test
[The incidents in this story may not be completely true. Its changed slightly to make the story interesting and open to general public.]
Life is a series of tests. You usually fail most of them. But every now and then you make up your mind and decide to fight against a personal stigma. Whenever you take up a personal path of righteousness, the rest of the world puts you through various tests.
Here's what happens. You want to quit smoking (say). And you make up your mind that you're gonna quit. You stop buying them, you stop going with people who smoke, you avoid walking through smoke and do several other things to avoid the temptation.
Test 1: My friend asks me to smoke and I said "No dude, im tryin to quit". - PASSED
Test 2: My boss says "Come shishir, lets make some coffee". When he says that he means go make some coffee, it better taste good. Get me a cup and wait for me till i get out of the cubicle, and then we'll have a smoke. The good thing is he gives a cigarette every time he wants to drink coffee. So I said "no, im trying to quit". - PASSED
Test 3: Lonely day, ex-girlfriend is putting your brain on the frying pan again. The job market is sprinkling a bit of rock salt, garam masala and lemon pepper on top of it. Im walking by the gas station and I say "no, im not gonna buy it" - PASSED
It had been such a long time since I smoked. I was so happy and pleased with myself. I eventually moved to Boston where I was completely alone and free to do whatever I wanted. I had decided that I would not smoke there. I was on top of things when I was not smoking and not tempted to smoke.
But the sad thing is I got fired from my job at Boston and I had to come back. Sad, lonely and royally fucked, I packed my bags and got on the greyhound bus back to NY. The good thing is I saw this totally hot chick in the greyhound station. 'birdwatching' is an antidepressant (apparently). So I was doing it full-swing. Finally I got on the bus, found my seat and.. 'oh yeah'. that totally hot chick was sitting right beside me. So the bus leaves Boston and I start listening to songs on my Coby MP3 player. I remember, it was 'Hello Goodbye' by the Beatles.
I was listening to that... enjoying the irony. Then I see the hot-chick beside me was sketching a tree in a sketch book. I loved sketching. Half my dreams are in sketches. Kind of like the 'Brothers in arms' video by Dire Straits.
So, impressed by the hot-chick and the sketching, I started speaking to her. And what a journey that was. We talked high and low, tried solving Sudoku (I solved more than her), we shared a huge number of interests. I wanted to continue talking to her because she was such an interesting person to talk to (and totally hot). The bus then stops at this Dominos Pizza and I ask this chick. "Do you wanna get down?". She says "Oh yea, I wanna get down smoke as many cigarettes as I can before the bus starts. Wanna join me?". I was all oh yea... and then I went to the gas station next to dominos, bought a pack of cigarettes and lit one. - FAILED>
Well... im still friends with that hot-chick. Her name is Ioana (pronounced with an "io" as in YO!). But the thing is I failed my test. Actually I wouldn't mind failing the test again in the exact same way... because you need to have your fun time too! I didn't have the strength or the will to say "no thanks". This time it was the Y gene apart from my weak will power that failed me. But still... the point of my story is that you try to do something in life, you keep getting tested. Determination is super important to achieve anything.
Life is a series of tests. You usually fail most of them. But every now and then you make up your mind and decide to fight against a personal stigma. Whenever you take up a personal path of righteousness, the rest of the world puts you through various tests.
Here's what happens. You want to quit smoking (say). And you make up your mind that you're gonna quit. You stop buying them, you stop going with people who smoke, you avoid walking through smoke and do several other things to avoid the temptation.
Test 1: My friend asks me to smoke and I said "No dude, im tryin to quit". - PASSED
Test 2: My boss says "Come shishir, lets make some coffee". When he says that he means go make some coffee, it better taste good. Get me a cup and wait for me till i get out of the cubicle, and then we'll have a smoke. The good thing is he gives a cigarette every time he wants to drink coffee. So I said "no, im trying to quit". - PASSED
Test 3: Lonely day, ex-girlfriend is putting your brain on the frying pan again. The job market is sprinkling a bit of rock salt, garam masala and lemon pepper on top of it. Im walking by the gas station and I say "no, im not gonna buy it" - PASSED
It had been such a long time since I smoked. I was so happy and pleased with myself. I eventually moved to Boston where I was completely alone and free to do whatever I wanted. I had decided that I would not smoke there. I was on top of things when I was not smoking and not tempted to smoke.
But the sad thing is I got fired from my job at Boston and I had to come back. Sad, lonely and royally fucked, I packed my bags and got on the greyhound bus back to NY. The good thing is I saw this totally hot chick in the greyhound station. 'birdwatching' is an antidepressant (apparently). So I was doing it full-swing. Finally I got on the bus, found my seat and.. 'oh yeah'. that totally hot chick was sitting right beside me. So the bus leaves Boston and I start listening to songs on my Coby MP3 player. I remember, it was 'Hello Goodbye' by the Beatles.
I was listening to that... enjoying the irony. Then I see the hot-chick beside me was sketching a tree in a sketch book. I loved sketching. Half my dreams are in sketches. Kind of like the 'Brothers in arms' video by Dire Straits.
So, impressed by the hot-chick and the sketching, I started speaking to her. And what a journey that was. We talked high and low, tried solving Sudoku (I solved more than her), we shared a huge number of interests. I wanted to continue talking to her because she was such an interesting person to talk to (and totally hot). The bus then stops at this Dominos Pizza and I ask this chick. "Do you wanna get down?". She says "Oh yea, I wanna get down smoke as many cigarettes as I can before the bus starts. Wanna join me?". I was all oh yea... and then I went to the gas station next to dominos, bought a pack of cigarettes and lit one. - FAILED>
Well... im still friends with that hot-chick. Her name is Ioana (pronounced with an "io" as in YO!). But the thing is I failed my test. Actually I wouldn't mind failing the test again in the exact same way... because you need to have your fun time too! I didn't have the strength or the will to say "no thanks". This time it was the Y gene apart from my weak will power that failed me. But still... the point of my story is that you try to do something in life, you keep getting tested. Determination is super important to achieve anything.
Aug 7, 2009
Towards adulthood
Managing money is tough!
I've out of job for just 6 months and im neck deep in debts. Its kind of a hard place to be (of course!). I always thought life would be easy if you just try to live it and be happy and not let the corporate life ruin your actual life. People always lose their minds over things like work politics, riding the morning traffic, measuring your monthly expenditures, paying bills, and most of all saving money... all a part of the corporate life.
The way I see things, there are two things to life, the corporate part, and the fun part. You need to get through the corporate part to reach the fun part. People who have fun are the ones who actually commute through the corporate life everyday without complaining about it. Most get so involved in complaining about their commute through corporate lives that they get off the corporate subway trains before the fun station arrives.
As of me, I took my first step in, slipped, fell on my butt and crawled back to being a nobody. Right now im being completely childish by complaining that I didn't slip but someone tripped me. But I know my mistakes. Im ready for round two. Gimme a ticket and I'll ride the cursed corporate subway. Im ready to be an adult. Being an adult is to walk the tough mile to reach your destination, and probably drag a few others who mean something along with you. Because far away is the candle light.
I've out of job for just 6 months and im neck deep in debts. Its kind of a hard place to be (of course!). I always thought life would be easy if you just try to live it and be happy and not let the corporate life ruin your actual life. People always lose their minds over things like work politics, riding the morning traffic, measuring your monthly expenditures, paying bills, and most of all saving money... all a part of the corporate life.
The way I see things, there are two things to life, the corporate part, and the fun part. You need to get through the corporate part to reach the fun part. People who have fun are the ones who actually commute through the corporate life everyday without complaining about it. Most get so involved in complaining about their commute through corporate lives that they get off the corporate subway trains before the fun station arrives.
As of me, I took my first step in, slipped, fell on my butt and crawled back to being a nobody. Right now im being completely childish by complaining that I didn't slip but someone tripped me. But I know my mistakes. Im ready for round two. Gimme a ticket and I'll ride the cursed corporate subway. Im ready to be an adult. Being an adult is to walk the tough mile to reach your destination, and probably drag a few others who mean something along with you. Because far away is the candle light.
Jun 7, 2009
Post breakup bliss
Life is so strangely blissful after a break up. Things are clearer, the mind is lighter, the air smells of change, life starts looking like the long path of dirt amidst lush green grass fields fading far into the horizon. And the best part of all is the few sudden moments of anger, hate, lust and sadness that just oozes out like a volcano.
The volcanic part of the break up is the most enjoyable one. When you have an itch you just scratch it. But this is something you just can't scratch. You need to feel it and let it do what it has to do to you. So far I've been just basking in the lava of my failed relationship. The more I think of it the more I knew things were goin to end. Maybe I thought things might work out, but i always knew... Maybe I was subconsiously fucking around just to see what might happen. We were kind of a perfect couple, but at the same time we were mercury and pluto. She seemed like my 'yin' but I apparently was not her 'yang'. - These are the constant thoughts in my head during one of those volcanic phases.
I also discovered a wonderful song. I'll find the link from YouTube and put it here. Maybe at the end of the post. Im too lazy to switch my hands back to the mouse now. Man im lazy. Anyway... The news is that im enjoying my break up. Its nice to think about thinking about your girlfriend as your 'ex'. Man im relieved of so many responsibilities now. I feel I can do whatever I want in my life again. Its a good feeling.
So, my conclusion... a break up usually sucks. But I've enjoyed looking at the greener side of it. It was a good experience with my ex. (That bitch!)
Anyway... here is the youtube link. Its called "Fuck was I" by Jenny Owen Youngs. This is the 'official' version for grannies and mamas boys I think. They have censored the 'fuck' in the song...
UPDATE: Here's the high quality uncensored audio (Grooveshark rocks by the way
The volcanic part of the break up is the most enjoyable one. When you have an itch you just scratch it. But this is something you just can't scratch. You need to feel it and let it do what it has to do to you. So far I've been just basking in the lava of my failed relationship. The more I think of it the more I knew things were goin to end. Maybe I thought things might work out, but i always knew... Maybe I was subconsiously fucking around just to see what might happen. We were kind of a perfect couple, but at the same time we were mercury and pluto. She seemed like my 'yin' but I apparently was not her 'yang'. - These are the constant thoughts in my head during one of those volcanic phases.
I also discovered a wonderful song. I'll find the link from YouTube and put it here. Maybe at the end of the post. Im too lazy to switch my hands back to the mouse now. Man im lazy. Anyway... The news is that im enjoying my break up. Its nice to think about thinking about your girlfriend as your 'ex'. Man im relieved of so many responsibilities now. I feel I can do whatever I want in my life again. Its a good feeling.
So, my conclusion... a break up usually sucks. But I've enjoyed looking at the greener side of it. It was a good experience with my ex. (That bitch!)
Anyway... here is the youtube link. Its called "Fuck was I" by Jenny Owen Youngs. This is the 'official' version for grannies and mamas boys I think. They have censored the 'fuck' in the song...
UPDATE: Here's the high quality uncensored audio (Grooveshark rocks by the way
Mar 28, 2009
Booze baby!
This is a special blog... a fuckin special blog - You know why, everytime I write something in this blog im in one of those extreme states of mind.
So I finished my masters and just as soon as I was about to enjoy the big set of 'A's i got, yeah - I rocked it I got all 'A's..., the economy got behind me with a long bamboo. So I ran from it and joined a consultancy. I hated this so much... soo very much that I feel like im taking refuge in a fuckin nazi concentration camp. (I just love my metaphors!)
After a few months of playing in the kids ground filled with 'sand retarded', I finally decided to indulge myself in a very personal booze party (getting the idea of this blog being my special blog?). You know BLOB means a binary large object... DB stuff... Im drunk... hou asksu salku, aspoi aoiusd - oiasdlkjsd; soidkj... (get it?)
There were a few thoughts in my min that i want to type away before I lose it...
Fucking indian government has the reservation system which leads to capable people working in call centers while uncapable spastic retards (Swear words I learnt from Rana) get the opportunities. And now that im in the US bloody A, I want to put my situation in a very picturesque way... Its like you run behind a pussy with an erect dick and just as soon as you get within a feet of it you there are other 1000 people running towards it. Just immediately after that a voice from the skies say 'you guys shall not get any pussy' (the voice from the skies has done a course in RE {RE=requirement Engineering, retard}). And then I reached my refuge...
My love life has gone missing somewhere by the way... I just lost it! (Im so frustrated that I laugh at myself)
now that I started thinking of minds and state of mind and philosophy... Lemme get a bit deeper into it....
Every single bastard in this earth is a sadist. They just take sadistic pleasure in feeling sad... That is kind of the unintended theme of my blog... the name is kinda metaphorical which goes with the theme. People just love weaving a cocoon of sadness around them... it makes them feel enclosed... It feels good being constricted in an enclosure (ref, John locke, Claire - Lost). Im one of those extreme types who wants to put my loved ones in my cocoon... My babe didn't like it in there...
Ok... im loosing my high... Im gonna have another shot of that good liquor... I first tasted this in fatty's place... it was awesome...
So I finished my masters and just as soon as I was about to enjoy the big set of 'A's i got, yeah - I rocked it I got all 'A's..., the economy got behind me with a long bamboo. So I ran from it and joined a consultancy. I hated this so much... soo very much that I feel like im taking refuge in a fuckin nazi concentration camp. (I just love my metaphors!)
After a few months of playing in the kids ground filled with 'sand retarded', I finally decided to indulge myself in a very personal booze party (getting the idea of this blog being my special blog?). You know BLOB means a binary large object... DB stuff... Im drunk... hou asksu salku, aspoi aoiusd - oiasdlkjsd; soidkj... (get it?)
There were a few thoughts in my min that i want to type away before I lose it...
Fucking indian government has the reservation system which leads to capable people working in call centers while uncapable spastic retards (Swear words I learnt from Rana) get the opportunities. And now that im in the US bloody A, I want to put my situation in a very picturesque way... Its like you run behind a pussy with an erect dick and just as soon as you get within a feet of it you there are other 1000 people running towards it. Just immediately after that a voice from the skies say 'you guys shall not get any pussy' (the voice from the skies has done a course in RE {RE=requirement Engineering, retard}). And then I reached my refuge...
My love life has gone missing somewhere by the way... I just lost it! (Im so frustrated that I laugh at myself)
now that I started thinking of minds and state of mind and philosophy... Lemme get a bit deeper into it....
Every single bastard in this earth is a sadist. They just take sadistic pleasure in feeling sad... That is kind of the unintended theme of my blog... the name is kinda metaphorical which goes with the theme. People just love weaving a cocoon of sadness around them... it makes them feel enclosed... It feels good being constricted in an enclosure (ref, John locke, Claire - Lost). Im one of those extreme types who wants to put my loved ones in my cocoon... My babe didn't like it in there...
Ok... im loosing my high... Im gonna have another shot of that good liquor... I first tasted this in fatty's place... it was awesome...
Mar 11, 2009
Funny how things are
You need to be so careful about relations and stuff in life... Especially when you don't know what to do. Its like you're blind folded, standing at the tip of a really really steep cliff and you take the next step hoping that there's a bridge... man that's a thought!
I wonder why I always keep ending up at places like these... As my motto had once been... If you cross its something of an experience, if you fall, its something else of an experience... Leap of faith my ass... Its all just bungee jumps!!!
Someday rope thingee will pull me back up, till then i'll enjoy the mean ride... You hear that O-fortuna? now bend over...
People around me smile - I'll have a hell of a story to tell you!
I wonder why I always keep ending up at places like these... As my motto had once been... If you cross its something of an experience, if you fall, its something else of an experience... Leap of faith my ass... Its all just bungee jumps!!!
Someday rope thingee will pull me back up, till then i'll enjoy the mean ride... You hear that O-fortuna? now bend over...
People around me smile - I'll have a hell of a story to tell you!
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