I've heard of all the talk about finding oneself. Some time back I used to think that's all a big bag of bull shit as we all know what we are. I mean, who other than you will know who you are? But now, I've begun to realize that there actually is some sense to that statement... "Finding oneself".
My life has been a very dynamic one. Its changed quite a lot over the years. Whatever I was was determined by what I used to do. I used to act like the way my friends were. My opnions changed with new friends. I started listening to new kinds of music. I never imagined i'd actually like heavy metal. But I started doing somethings that I never throught I might do. I've been through phases of silent child, normal school boy, crazy adolescent, a junkie, a dude, a creative guy, a smart kid, a good lover, a bastard boyfriend, an ass, a fighter, a loser... Man, Im so quite happy with the life I've had.
But through the times I've done things that were so beyond my normal perception of myself. All through those times I thought I knew what I was doing. But now I feel I kind of lack a constant I can compare myself with. Nothing in my life has been the same it used to be. Everything changes. "Everything is so (fuckin) temporary" as my friend says. I want to find something in my life that's permanent. Something that will remain the same forever. By the way I've been I can never know what's gona happen to me a ew years from now. I might find someone I might move to a different places and hang around with completely strange alien beings... who knows? There can be no particular thing or a person that can shake me back to what I really am. No one knows me as well as I know myself. But I don't know myself as well as I thought I did.
When I think on the lines of "I need to find something that's permanent throughout my life. I need to find a constant", I realize... I need to find myself!